Terrible Tribals: Scorpions

Welcome to Terrible Tribal! In each article we’ll discuss the current state of the creature type and viability of a tribal deck (spoiler: it will ALWAYS be poor/terrible) without the addition of the classic tribal staples. We’ll also touch into how said terrible tribe could be boosted (in theory only) to become a viable EDH/Commander deck. First up-Scorpions!

Door of Destinies, Adaptive Automaton, Obelisk of Urd, Herald’s Horn, Coat of Arms, and Cavern of Souls are all cards designed to help tribal decks succeed. Some call them staples; others call them crutches. Looking at some of the more supported tribes (such as Elves, Goblins, Allies and Slivers), you can clearly see that they can stand on their own without truly needing the aforementioned cards.

Why choose to mull over scorpions first? Well, aside from being an underrated, underrepresented tribe, it feels like it would be the simplest to make more threatening than it currently is. There are currently 10 scorpions in Magic, not counting any Changelings. Between then, deathtouch is the most common keyword, however one scorpion has poisonous-the ancient precursor to everyone’s favorite mechanic, infect. As a tribe, however, scorpions are pitiful at best. No actual legendary tied to the tribe, no common theme aside from deathtouch (which even then only 4/10 have), and no tribal-specific support. Metaphorically speaking, the concept of a tribal scorpion deck is a ship that sank before it even left the harbor.

So how could it become a tribe to be feared? Of course, Wizards of the Coast will only rarely let tribes grow to be as much a force as some we love to hate. But it wouldn’t be uncalled for to make some support, starting with a legendary creature.

When thinking and theorizing about what a tribal legend for scorpions would be, I came up with two possible directions-but both focused on golgari-colored token generation. Since there are insect tokens and spider tokens, it’s not unreasonable of a stretch to get scorpion tokens-small, 1/1 or 1/2 deathtouch swarms that make combat a nightmare for your opponent(s). One would go the way of a legendary scorpion itself, an Ungoliant-like token generator. The other would be some sort of human summoner, almost like a Pharika done better. I also bounced the idea around of creating a new keyword-venom(since, of you want to get technical, scorpions are venomous rather than poisonous), that worked like poison counters, but instead drained life for each venom counter you had.

Are the ideas rough and terrible? Absolutely. But such is the way of theorizing. Either creature/character I could easily see existing on a plane like Amonkhet, so if/when we return to the plane I’ll be hoping the tribe will get some love! There could also be more to this idea (actual creature cards, enchantments that pump out tokens, etc.), however for now I think we’re stretching just hoping for a legendary creature or to make scorpions viable.

And that’s all for now folks! Make sure to comment below on a tribe you wish to see covered in future editions of “Terrible Tribals”!

-Shawn, CommanDollar Actual